Round 18 – Essendon v Hawthorn

Friday 27 July, Etihad Stadium

A Celebration of Cyril
Reclaiming the name

Thanks to Graham Kennedy and Blankety Blanks, there’s a generation of Australians who associate the name ‘Cyril’ with effete, camp men who speak with a lisp and illustrate their words with elaborate, theatrical gestures. It was a caricature of such strength that in the 1970s men named Cyril found other monikers to go by.  Thanks to Junior Rioli, however, a new generation of Australians now associate the name ‘Cyril’ with acts of speed, sublime skill, silky movement and strong tackling, all performed with a subtlety and grace Graham Kennedy’s ‘Cyril’ might have admired but would have been unable to emulate. Singlehandedly, Junior Rioli has reclaimed the name Cyril for men!

Equally significant, in his 100th match and for the second consecutive week, he has shown that he doesn’t need to have the most disposals to be the most influential player on the ground. In fact many of his most useful contributions come without him even taking possession of the ball – clever tap ons, sneaky interceptions, chase downs, tackles – and a good number of them result in goals. It was also fitting that he should turn it on against Essendon, the club who overlooked him in the 2007 draft for David Myers. Exactly…who?

I heard Cyril speak last year at a junior football club function where he was asked by one of the kids which team he most liked to beat. I don’t know if it was because he’d been overlooked by the Bombers or whether it was just because his cousin, Dean Rioli, was hosting the function, but he replied, “Essendon.”  And didn’t it show on Friday night? He pulled out all of his tricks and added a welcome recent addition: the dashing take away from the centre bounce with quick, precise forward delivery.

There was also a moment in the final quarter when Fletcher kicked out to an apparently free Dyson Heppell, but in the time it took the ball to get there, Cyril had got to the contest, leapt high to palm the ball to his own advantage in mid-air and then reeled in the mark. Now Heppell did nothing wrong – except for whatever he does to his hair each morning – and in normal circumstances Fletcher’s kick would have been ok, but Cyril has broadened the definition of what constitutes a ‘clanger’ to now mean any opposition kick to the vicinity of Cyril. Because he’ll get it. Every time.

As with Collingwood the previous week, Essendon defenders would take possession of the ball and take a few indecisive steps in no particular direction while thinking about what to do with the ball, without them or any of their team mates being aware of Cyril’s proximity. Have they never seen him play before? Surely by now they should be assuming that he is just about to mow them down.

The number 33 is seen to have religious significance because Jesus is said to have been crucified at the age of 33 in 33A.D. It is also the number of recorded miracles he is reported to have performed, so it is hardly drawing too long a bow to suggest that Cyril has developed a similar deity-like aura. After all, he’s performed more than 33 miracles for Hawthorn and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, just like Jesus, he were to evade the tackle of the Grim Reaper when it comes.

Lighting the flame

Such was the theatricality, colour and movement of Hawthorn’s performance on Friday night; I thought it was part of the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games – a prequel, just without the massed children’s choirs and ex-Beatles. If the Olympic Games exist to celebrate sporting prowess and excellence in athletic achievement, then they can call them off now and save everyone a lot of time and money, because Hawthorn’s performance on Friday night was surely the pinnacle of sporting endeavour.

There seems to be a growing symbiosis between Hawthorn and the Olympic Games: not only did Hawthorn win its last flag in the previous Olympiad, but the five rings of the Olympic symbol represent the rings the Hawks ran around Essendon’s defence on Friday night. Likewise, the flame relay symbolised the scorching run and passing of Cyril, Hodge, Suckling and Birchall. In fact while watching the opening ceremony I half expected to see Cyril light the cauldron. Certainly if the organisers knew anything about sporting excellence they’d have handed him the torch, or at least a flaming Sherrin.

Other than this obvious shortcoming, the opening ceremony was inventive and spectacular. But best ever as some are saying? I don’t know; like many Hawk fans, I was at Waverley Park the day Angry Anderson sang ‘Bound for Glory’ from the Batmobile at half time in the 1991 Grand Final. Not sure London could top that.

Winning the game

While Cyril’s 100th game on Friday night was a significant milestone, of equal consequence was Luke Hodge’s return to the team. Not only was it heartening to see him taking strong marks and slot 5 goals, it illustrates the value of Hawthorn’s progressive workplace practices in that we can employ someone like Hodge on what seems to be a sort of job-share or part-time basis, and he still contributes. To underline this point further, I understand that he could be on paternity leave for the Grand Final. Good to see Hawthorn putting family values ahead of productivity, but should we putting it ahead of premierships?

It wasn’t all Cyril and Hodge though, the entire team clicked. Mitchell again was pivotal in the centre, as were Whitecross and Shiels, but down back Gibson, Goo, Burgoyne and Birchall were precise, Schoenmakers and Stratton were strong and Suckling damaging, kicking 4 goals – from a half back flank! And if he wasn’t kicking them, he was linking up with Young and Smith and getting it to Gunston who is beginning to live up the number 19 jumper, though he might need to stack on a few kilos if he really wants to fill the jumper bequeathed to him. Together with Breust and The Rough, who is also dominating around the ground, we are developing an even more potent forward line than we thought we had. Even when The Rough duffed a shot on goal, Gunston took a spectacular hanger and got the goal anyway. Even our mistakes made the highlight reel. And I was glad of the highlight reel, because I arrived a tad late and missed the first four goals. Young was slotting our fifth before I’d found my seat.

The goal that best illustrated the new Hawthorn juggernaut came late in the third: the Bombers kicked long to Winderlich who was by himself 25 metres from goal. Unable to gather cleanly, Schoenmakers and Guerra got to him with the Cobbler winning the ball, getting it to Goo, who kicked long to Whitecross on the wing. Whitecross passed to the Poo on the boundary, who kicked it inboard to Shiels on the 50, who ran in and kicked the long goal. Not one Essendon player touched it from Winderlich’s fumble, and the roll-call of Hawthorn names involved in this passage showcases how well our second tier of players are performing.

As everyone is well aware, this goal glut came without Buddy. It’s unlikely Gunston, Suckling and Breust can command the same Twitter following as Buddy, but they’re currently combining for the same number goals that he normally kicks. It’s also becoming increasingly apparent that we often play quite well when Buddy’s not there. The most tantalising aspect of this is that he knows it and will be so annoyed by suggestions we don’t really need him, that he’ll bag double figures on his return.

This was one of our best performances of the year and like most Hawkers, I just love it when we smash the Bombers. Such was the thrill of goal on goal action that it nearly compensated for Etihad’s mid-strength beer – what’s with that? And who wasn’t overjoyed to see that turncoat Bomber Thompson fuming at quarter time? “Take that evil empire!” as one of my friends texted.

Of course I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t admit to being just a little disappointed that we didn’t get the margin up to 100 points. Just to rub it in a bit more and plunge them into a pre-finals crisis. For Essendon, Watson and Heppell played well, but the rest of them botched kicks, missed handballs and fumbled and stumbled their way through the match. I’m not sure if ability is the opposite of disability, but if it is, Essendon should apply for funding as part of the NDIS.

I’ll say something for Essendon supporters though; they stick around longer than Collingwood fans. Most of them were still there deep into the final quarter, entertaining some bizarre notion that they were still in the match, just getting their money’s worth, or perhaps just staying where it was dry. Though the downpour of Hawthorn goals should have been enough to wash them out into the gutters, leaving the grand stands to the Hawks, just as we’d had the midfield to ourselves since the first bounce.

Final scores: Hawthorn 27  18  180 d Essendon 12  14  86

Buddy goal tally – 0, total = 51

Buddy behind tally – 0, total =49

What we liked: Cyril’s artistry, Hodge’s 5 goals, Max Bailey’s return, The Rough.

What we didn’t like – It was a shame that we didn’t get to see Essendon wearing their school uniform grey clash strip, just to make their humiliation complete.

Next week: Oh dear, it’s the Cats, but if ever we stand a chance of defeating them, surely it’s this week.