Round 23 – Hawthorn v West Coast Eagles

Friday 31 August 2012, MCG

Hawk couture

Luke Hodge leads the boys out for fashion week

Melbourne Spring Fashion week launched on Friday night so it’s only fitting that Hawthorn’s brown and gold vertical stripes were on prominent display on national television.  What better way to showcase Melbourne fashion than to send the iconic poo and wee design of the Hawthorn jumper down the MCG catwalk.  This colour scheme codifies the expending of waste, the voiding of the unnecessary, and in doing so celebrates the essential and elemental in life, and positions Hawthorn as fundamental, or at least at the fundament, of existence.  The alternating stripes, meanwhile, hint at duality, at interdependence or yin and yang, while the clean lines and lightweight fabric accentuate muscular tone. Teamed with a brown short with gold trim and hooped hosiery, the ensemble makes a bold and daring statement that the wearer is adventurous, an ideas person, most likely with a killer left boot. It is the very finest in exquisite haute couture, or as I call it, ‘hawk couture’. I wouldn’t wear anything else.

When we played the Eagles in Perth in Round 3, we kicked five goals for the entire match. This time we had five goals half way through the first quarter and by quarter time Buddy had kicked four and set up two others. At seven goals to one at the first break it was looking pleasingly like another win in excess of 10 goals with Buddy making a claim for his third Coleman medal.  We were certainly looking good, and not just in a fashion sense.

There was run, flair and attack. Mitchell and Sewell were winning it in the centre and getting it forward quickly where Buddy did his thing. Buddy running on to a Suckling kick and poking it over the line for his second; Buddy getting on the end of some precision passing and slotting them from 50; Smith getting a short one from The Rough and running into the goal square unimpeded, duffing the kick but still scoring – it was that sort of quarter.  “Fabulous, darling” to appropriate fashion parlance. “Bubbles?”

But as we know, fashion doesn’t last, which is a good thing if we’re talking about stonewash denim, but less desirable in this sense. From quarter time the match tightened up and was reasonably even for the remainder, dour eve. The Eagles even threatening briefly in the final quarter – a fashion faux pas if ever there was one. But goals to Breust and Hale snuffed out what faint hope they had – hope that sprang largely from some strange umpiring decisions, but still, it was enough to send a moment of unwanted anxiety through Hawk fans.

So not a classic Hawks victory, but the Eagles are a good team who have been on or near the top all season, so it was still impressive. We managed to nullify Cox, Natanui, and Kerr for much of the evening, and even if they managed to restrict the Hawks for three quarters, it was effectively too late by then.

A healthy crowd of over 50,000 for a match against an interstate team was impressive given that Essendon and Collingwood drew only marginally more the following night – perhaps it’s time to rethink the ANZAC Day draw?

And the crowd provided two major highlights: in the first quarter when Josh Kennedy went into his convulsive, stuttering run up, the crowd literally burst out laughing as one, like the mass hilarity that grips the Romans in “Life of Brian” when the Emperor calls “Fwee Wodewick!” Kennedy missed and I can’t help thinking it was partly due to embarrassment. The second moment was the Cyril chant as the camera showed him sitting on the bench wearing the sub vest – a garment we probably shouldn’t dwell on in fashion week. I’ve never before heard a chant go up for a sub, and the roar that greeted his entry was probably the loudest for the night.

So top spot secured and with it, what is referred to as the ‘minor premiership’ though given we won it from a fair way back, it was a major achievement. Nice work Hawks! Best dressed in more ways than one.

Final scores: Hawthorn  14  11  95 d West Coast  10  10  70

Buddy goal tally – 4 = total, 59

Buddy behind tally – 1 = total, 53

So not quite the 100 goals 100 behinds we wanted. Richmond’s Riewoldt won the Coleman – at least he now knows what the phrase “hollow victory” means. Given Buddy missed six games and still finished only six goals behind, perhaps they shouldn’t award the Coleman this year.

What we loved: Top spot, the double chance and a home final. And The Rough of course!

What we loathed: the injury to Goo. We need his mongrel in the finals.

And what was McInerney doing stopping Buddy in mid stride as he walked in to take his shot on the half time siren? Since when is that ok?

The essence of fashion